An acquaintance of mine recently wrote a blog post on facebook about the state of his life, the improvements he’s made and his plans for the future. I found it very well written and inspiring. It also hit some things right on the mark for me about what I am learning and what I need to do with my own life so I wanted to summarize and post some snippets here.
Nonlinear Living: He discusses the importance of introspection and planning but notes that many great things often come as a surprise and that he often changes so drastically within every two year period as a result of continuous, disciplined small steps as opposed to attempting to make sudden, drastic changes that often result in failure.
Self Organized Critical: He uses a description of an hourglass to describe this as a way to use organization to create occassionally exciting/dramatic events while avoiding utter chaos:
“Think of an hourglass. As the first grains of sand fall on the flat bottom glass surface the results of each grain falling is very predictable. As the cone of sand gets taller and taller each grain added can have either a dramatic effect and cause a landslide, or almost no effect. The effect a single grain of sand will have is mathematically deterministic yet so complex as to be unpredictable.”
He then notes that if he’s having certain problems, he first decides whether it’s an individual issue (with a person, part of his life etc.) or if the same issue is creeping up in various areas of his life. If it’s the former, he will do the best he can to correct the situation and then move on. If it’s the latter, he will use it as an opportunity to take a broader look at his life and himself and then figure out what small, incremental changes he can make over time to improve it. He notes he does not start over from scratch or try to build his whole life anew and that a big part of this is accepting himself as he is even with those problems and only surrounds himself with people who accept and appreciate them as well. Basically, it’s a way to honestly assess the issue you may have, coming up with a detailed plan to address them and having the confidence and support to see it through without getting down on yourself totally as a person or your life as a whole. A way to appreciate the good and improve the bad at once.
He then goes on to list the things he has done consistently that works for him. The new steps he’s taking towards his new goals and where he hopes to be.
I thought it was a very practical but inspiring way to tackle issues and it seems to have already taken him very far. A lot of times people give tons of advice for dealing with things but a lot of them seem too out there for me. Also, I myself sometimes look to change by making sudden, drastic changes and then get upset if I wind up regressing soon after.
I think the small steps approach is something I really need to work on. I need more discipline and focus these days and I think this is the best and most realistic way of obtaining it. It’s easy to feel swamped and overwhelmed when thinking of everything all at once, and it’s really counterproductive, especially when you start worrying about things you can’t even really control in the moment. I had bad anxiety for awhile because of this and still have occassional anxious moments. I’ve gotten slightly better at dealing with those moments however and want to continue to improve on that while making more progress in other areas as well.
I think I need to start journaling again (in written form). A small notebook to carry around to jot down things that may bother me, things to do for the day etc. to keep me on point. Even if I just trash it in the end, it’s more to help me along the way than something to look back on.
I have a lot of goals, responsibilities, dreams and worries for my present and future life. But I need to just focus on the more immediate for now. Otherwise, I won’t achieve either the small or big things. I’ll just be wasting lots of time and energy. So, I’m focusing on a smaller amount at once while keep other things in the back of my mind, in a place where it can’t clutter the parts I need for the present.
For example, I need to start a graduate program by the spring and really want to finish it within a year and half or so (so that I may teach by September 2013). This is important because I have spent enough time in school, or just temporarily out of school trying to work out my finances and/or plans. I have settled on the teaching path for now and have to see it through—in general but also within a reasonable time so that I can finally have a stable job with a stable income and health insurance and all those kinds of perks to having a more normal life. I know it’s not the best time in the world for teachers but I’m not too worried about gaining employment as long as I remain committed and flexible.
There are a few things I’ll need to get into a program which I am in the process of working on. I’ve been taking extra literature classes (since my undergrad major was inapplicable) and will continue to do so through summer and fall. I think I am doing overall pretty well in those classes and can probably safely request reccomendation letters for the professors I have since my grades are good and they seem to really like my writing—plus I participate in class the most.
So that’s mostly fine except the payments for all this are another issue. I will know definitely within a couple of weeks if I can borrow x amount of money to pay of the tution in time to register for it all but I think it is likely to happen. And have developed a plan to pay it back within a reasonable time frame.If i have to sell things, say camera equipment, to get it done, I’m okay with doing that even if I am losing money overall because I can always buy back things once I’m more financially settled but it’s less affordable to stay in this state of financial insecurity longer than necessary.
With that said, once my commitment to my weekend job is up at the end of June, I am no longer working weekends unless I really have to, or the job is more flexible and/or has less hours. I’m focused more on finding another way to get by in the meantime financially. I am fine with working more hours during the week and/or spending less in general. I’m tired of not really having my weekends to myself and not being able to take part in celebrations with friends and family. I want to have my weekends back so I can recharge for the week more fully, have more time to finish what I need to do without feeling swamped and to connect or reconnect with people who I barely get to see due to my current weekend job. So, basically a weekend job is my last resort at the moment.
Outside of school, finances and reconnecting, I want to focus on dancing and exercising. I feel a lot better after going to dance class. It increases my stregnth and flexibility, gives me some cardio etc. but it also puts me in a great mood in general. This is partly due to the physical element but also because I found a studio filled with so many amazing teachers and students, a studio that is active in creating and maintaining a supportive community that helps people thrive within and without and just being a part of that has increased my feelings of well being and belonging. I hope to be able to invest in it more. It also helps me appreciate my body in more ways and makes me commited to supplementing the classes with other forms of exercise as well. I’ll feel more confident and have more energy which can only give me more motivation and focus in other areas of my life.
I may write a list of more detailed steps along the way but this is the basic idea for now. With that I’m dropping anyone that drains me, letting go of thoughts and feelings that paralyze me and not settling less than a high standard for anyone I let into my life. Also, I’m going to think less of ‘Is this possible/realistic?’ and more of, “how can I make this more possible/realistic?” and lets the pieces fall where they may.
I’ve come a long way in my life in regards to a lot of things already and it’s time to take it to the next step. I’m turning 27 in a couple of months and it dawned on me lately how different I am, not only from when I was 20, but also from when I was just 25. And I’m really looking forward to seeing where I’ll be by 30.
